I'd like to apologize in advance to anybody that enjoys my random travel posts because this probably will blindside you.
I sat down to write a blog about my trip to Thailand but something happened. I started getting into the book I've been reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. It got me to thinking about what exactly I want out of life. Most importantly, what am I Called to do. As much as it scares me to share my beliefs about God and what at one time I felt was just a personal belief. I have come to the realization that its ridiculousness to bottle up everything I feel about God, when in fact I have this strong burning explosion in my heart that wants to pour out of me. I have a strong feeling that I am being called to bring people to understand God's love. I have no clue how why or what I need to do but its a feeling I can't shake. Its my hope that in sharing this with anyone and everyone that cares to hear that I won't be afraid to follow HIM. So even though this makes me scared like a lost kitten at a dog pound (I don't know where that analogy came from but just go with it), I feel I need to share my walk with God and how I got to this point.
1 Thessalonians 4:7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives
Growing up I found myself always believing in God but not seeking him unless, I really needed or wanted something. I prayed for things I wanted but not necessarily needed. Going to church for me was a duty. I knew that every Sunday I needed to go to church because God expects us to be there. I figured if I go to church and zone out, at least I'm there right? Its better than Joe Shmoe sitting on his couch eating potato chips watching Bozo's Grand Prize game. But as I've found, if you're not seeking its very easy to get yourself pulled away. Maybe this Sunday, I'll sleep in or the next Sunday I'll play video games instead (God understands I gotta beat that level on Grand Theft Auto Right?). All of a sudden, you fall into the problem of being a ChrEaster or maybe just weddings/funerals.
Between high school and College, I found myself not necessarily turning away from God. I always had a belief there but not really seeking. I was in the mode of God is there but I gotta live my life, I gotta find my own happiness. At this time, God was this big powerful boss that always told me what not to do. I think everybody has had that feeling where you are constantly walking on eggshells around someone. Its bound to crack. Then its mistake after mistake after mistake. At this point, I didn't quite understand how wrong this notion really was.
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise...instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
After graduating, I had a degree in Education but felt completely lost as to what I truly wanted to do. Then God sent me exactly what I needed. I was subbing long-term at Muskegon Public Schools and a teacher fair was coming up at my college, Central Michigan University. The problem was, I needed to reach 60 consecutive days in order to raise my pay from $65 a day to $100. This is huge when you live on sub pay. It just so happened that I reached 60 days two days before the teacher fair. Not only the raise but I got a professional development day that I could use to go to the fair. So I was paid to be there! (God's great!) I saw all these crazy lines for different schools and met with lots of people that seemed interested but I just didn't feel the same way about them. I just happened to strike up a conversation with a lady (Melissa) who was just smiling all by herself at a booth. She worked for MeySen academy. As she told me about it I thought oh cool, this sounds like fun. But when I got home, it found its way into a pile on my floor never to be seen again....until June as I was applying for anything and everything that sounded interesting. Some of you may know, I even started to apply for "Survivor." I found the MeySen pamphlet and thought: why not apply?
Two days after applying, I got an interview and it just felt right. Everything fit in for me to get this job. I actually stopped applying anywhere else even though, I knew I'd have to wait until February to get the job.
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. .
When I came to Japan, I thought of it as my chance for adventure and to see the world. I knew MeySen was a "Christian" Academy but never really thought of it as I applied. I sure never thought of myself ever being confident talking about God let alone sharing about the Bible. Then things started to change...
I'm not even going to begin to say I'm close to where I need to be with God. And I definitely don't want any inclination that I am being a holy than though type person here. Trust me, I have A LOT of growing and understanding to do in everything. I know this pursuit is not an easy course. But in simple moments when I have completely felt God's presence, its this beautiful feeling that is like nothing you can create without HIM.
I sat down to write a blog about my trip to Thailand but something happened. I started getting into the book I've been reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. It got me to thinking about what exactly I want out of life. Most importantly, what am I Called to do. As much as it scares me to share my beliefs about God and what at one time I felt was just a personal belief. I have come to the realization that its ridiculousness to bottle up everything I feel about God, when in fact I have this strong burning explosion in my heart that wants to pour out of me. I have a strong feeling that I am being called to bring people to understand God's love. I have no clue how why or what I need to do but its a feeling I can't shake. Its my hope that in sharing this with anyone and everyone that cares to hear that I won't be afraid to follow HIM. So even though this makes me scared like a lost kitten at a dog pound (I don't know where that analogy came from but just go with it), I feel I need to share my walk with God and how I got to this point.
1 Thessalonians 4:7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives
Growing up I found myself always believing in God but not seeking him unless, I really needed or wanted something. I prayed for things I wanted but not necessarily needed. Going to church for me was a duty. I knew that every Sunday I needed to go to church because God expects us to be there. I figured if I go to church and zone out, at least I'm there right? Its better than Joe Shmoe sitting on his couch eating potato chips watching Bozo's Grand Prize game. But as I've found, if you're not seeking its very easy to get yourself pulled away. Maybe this Sunday, I'll sleep in or the next Sunday I'll play video games instead (God understands I gotta beat that level on Grand Theft Auto Right?). All of a sudden, you fall into the problem of being a ChrEaster or maybe just weddings/funerals.
Between high school and College, I found myself not necessarily turning away from God. I always had a belief there but not really seeking. I was in the mode of God is there but I gotta live my life, I gotta find my own happiness. At this time, God was this big powerful boss that always told me what not to do. I think everybody has had that feeling where you are constantly walking on eggshells around someone. Its bound to crack. Then its mistake after mistake after mistake. At this point, I didn't quite understand how wrong this notion really was.
My thought for college was that I'd fall in love get married and have my 2.5 children (ya .5) a dog and a cat and life would be great. But toward the end of my time there, I began to realize it wasn't going to be that easy for me. I felt a strong need for change and to see the world. I couldn't just settle down. Heck I can barely sit down long enough right now to type this.
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise...instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
After graduating, I had a degree in Education but felt completely lost as to what I truly wanted to do. Then God sent me exactly what I needed. I was subbing long-term at Muskegon Public Schools and a teacher fair was coming up at my college, Central Michigan University. The problem was, I needed to reach 60 consecutive days in order to raise my pay from $65 a day to $100. This is huge when you live on sub pay. It just so happened that I reached 60 days two days before the teacher fair. Not only the raise but I got a professional development day that I could use to go to the fair. So I was paid to be there! (God's great!) I saw all these crazy lines for different schools and met with lots of people that seemed interested but I just didn't feel the same way about them. I just happened to strike up a conversation with a lady (Melissa) who was just smiling all by herself at a booth. She worked for MeySen academy. As she told me about it I thought oh cool, this sounds like fun. But when I got home, it found its way into a pile on my floor never to be seen again....until June as I was applying for anything and everything that sounded interesting. Some of you may know, I even started to apply for "Survivor." I found the MeySen pamphlet and thought: why not apply?
Two days after applying, I got an interview and it just felt right. Everything fit in for me to get this job. I actually stopped applying anywhere else even though, I knew I'd have to wait until February to get the job.
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. .
When I came to Japan, I thought of it as my chance for adventure and to see the world. I knew MeySen was a "Christian" Academy but never really thought of it as I applied. I sure never thought of myself ever being confident talking about God let alone sharing about the Bible. Then things started to change...
6 weeks after we got to Japan, the biggest earthquake/ nuclear meltdown happened. I found myself an hour away from nuclear catastrophe and 15 minutes from torturous Tsunami destruction. By the grace of God, we were all protected. Through this experience, I began to see a difference in Christian life and the life of nonbelievers. I can vividly picture, the look of complete hopelessness on people's faces like there was no light on in their eyes as they waited in endless lines for food and water. But at my school, we had no power, water but were still singing worship songs and bringing each other's spirits up. We even held a worship service and as soon as we stopped power came back on. God just wanted to tell us we sang well (haha).
Shortly after we reached Misawa and the feeling that I may never come back to what was deemed a disaster area. I flew home and felt helpless and lost but also knew that I had to try to come back. I actually left all my luggage in my apartment just so I would come back. In coming back, things went back to normal. I still wasn't at a place where I'd say that fire for God was burning in me but I could feel he was here in Japan and I wanted to get to know him.
More unexpected moments started to happen, a frantic/lonely man came up to myself and a few other teachers on our way to a meeting and told us his life story. He said he wasn't doing well and asked for us to pray for him. It was one of the most random but real experiences with God I have felt. Also, around this time, I began to make a better effort to being a church goer in Japan. Its not easy, there arent many and when you grow up with a certain view of how church should be its hard to change your perspective. On top of that, when you work 6 days a week and you feel like church is a duty it becomes less inviting to be a part of.
Then, I was put in touch with a Japanese conversation partner who genuinely wanted to understand Christianity. I felt I was at no place to explain it to him but for some reason as I started it just felt right to explain things. He even started attending church regularly. As my friend asked my for my views, it forced me to really start to try to actually understand what my views were.
A few months later, I started to really feel a strong need to be involved in my pursuit of God. It just started happening from little things like listening to Christian music regularly to reading Christian books to watching sermons on Youtube. (This is a change from reading "I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell," listening to Jay-Z (still listen btw) and watching Tosh.0.) Then after last summer vacation, an explosion started to well up inside of me. I felt God just taking me. My thoughts on certain things and how I viewed things from relationships with others and with God completely started to clear out. I joined a Bible study and read probably the most influential book on my understanding of the Bible and God, "Desiring God" by John Piper. Things just started to make sense.
I've come to a point where I realize God is not this big scary beast that is out to smite you but He's out there looking for you to LOVE him and to PURSUE him. I realized that if I can put my joy in God and making him happy that it in turn reciprocates to me. From this any relationship you want should be met in the same way. I'm not going to do something nice because I feel obligated to do it. I've found doing something nice to make someone happy in turn brings me the same joy.
Now of course, its not all rainbows, sunshine and koombaya's here. Truly trusting in God takes a lot of effort and pain. Sometimes it can be completely heart wrenching, sometimes you can feel completely lost in what you are supposed to do. Its easy to give up on things but truly believing and truly seeking God in everything though at times difficult is truly beautiful in its fruition.
I'm not even going to begin to say I'm close to where I need to be with God. And I definitely don't want any inclination that I am being a holy than though type person here. Trust me, I have A LOT of growing and understanding to do in everything. I know this pursuit is not an easy course. But in simple moments when I have completely felt God's presence, its this beautiful feeling that is like nothing you can create without HIM.
I know that I will never force someone to understand what they will not allow themselves to understand. Honestly, many people may have finished reading my blog after the first sentences about God. However, I hope that my ability to make myself vulnerable for God will help me to follow Him even more closely than ever before. I have no clue what/where/why or when my next step in my pursuit of him is but I pray that I will follow Him wherever and however he needs me.
2 Peter 1:10-11 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble. and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 
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